Claire finally gets Phil to agree to sell their old station wagon, but not before everyone has to take it on one last ride down memory lane. Meanwhile, when a haphazard hammer-wielding Mitchell decides to build a life-size princess castle for Lily, Cameron calls Jay in for reinforcement, and Manny invites - which makes Gloria a little uncomfortable.
When she finds out that Alex is interested in a boy, Claire becomes over-protective, while Haley tries to give her sister advice. Meanwhile, Gloria begins to cook more traditional Colombian food in honor of her late grandmother, which is received in jest by Jay, and Mitchell reveals his adversion to PDA.
After an earthquake hits the town, Claire gets stuck with the plumber in the bathroom. Meanwhile, when going out with Jay, Manny experiences an existential crisis. Also, Mitchell and Cameron use the quake to get out of a party that is being thrown by their friend.
Claire tries to stop Phil from embarrassing himself at a realtors' banquet by giving an unfunny speech, while Mitchell tries to convince Cameron to change his wardrobe. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria go to a quinceanera hosted by one of his employees, and Haley gives Alex advice on how to be cool.
Noticing that everyone is too busy on their electronic devices to actually interact with one another, Claire and Phil declare a family challenge to see who can stay unplugged the longest. Meanwhile, it's a race against the clock as Mitchell and Cameron frantically try to get Lily into the best pre-schools, and Jay and Manny are concerned about how far Gloria will go to alleviate their problem with the neighbor's barking dog.
Claire loves Halloween and is gearing up to spookify the Dunphy house for the trick or treaters. She gives each family member a role to play, but none of it goes quite right... Cameron can't shake a traumatic childhood experience and hates the holiday, Mitchell has had a terrible day at work, and Gloria is acting weird after Jay and Manny teased her about her accent.
Claire and Haley have a bit of quality girl time while they're stuck at home sick, and Phil is preoccupied by the taunts of a chirping smoke detector. Gloria and Manny's surprise visit at Jay's work leads to headaches for Jay, and Cameron gets swept up by all the lights and cameras when he goes behind Mitchell's back and takes Lily for a commercial.
It's Manny's birthday and the family is gathering at a restaurant to celebrate, though Manny himself is depressed about getting older. Phil and Claire decide to engage in a not-so-friendly car race on the way to the restaurant, and Mitch and Cam get sidetracked when they stop at the mall to pick up a gift.
Mitchell tries to tell Cameron's mother that he feels uncomfortable around her. Meanwhile, Haley, much to Claire's delight, breaks up with Dylan, but Phil still keeps in contact with him, and Jay's harmless stomach ache gets worse after Manny looks it up on the Internet.
It's Luke and Manny's first school dance and everyone gets in on the "fun" - Jay and Phil have to take the boys on a mall run which becomes quite stressful; and Claire revels in the school dance committee duties, but gets a little jealous when Gloria shows up to help.
Claire becomes a determined neighborhood vigilante hoping to catch and stop a menacing car that speeds though their streets. Meanwhile, Phil is busy trying to land an important listing with a difficult client, Jay teaches Manny how to ride a bike - only to learn Gloria needs lessons too - and Mitchell and Cameron stumble upon a mysterious neighbor who is quite the charmer.
Claire and Phil want Alex to relax a little about her studies, but then they start questioning their own intellectual drives. Meanwhile, Gloria tries to befriend another nice couple, much to Jay's chagrin, and Mitch and Cam run into and old female flame of Mitchell's, only to make a disturbing discovery.
Plans backfire when the kids go to surprise their parents with breakfast in bed on their anniversary, only to catch Phil and Claire in a compromising position. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria's Vegas getaway is thwarted by a brutally honest email that was accidentally sent to Claire, and Mitch and Cam desperately try to get an "in" at the hot new neighborhood restaurant whose owner happens to be a mom at Lily's preschool.
Claire and Phil decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from last year's Valentine's Day. Meanwhile, Jay's surprise plans for Gloria keeps getting interrupted, and a secret admirer comes between Cameron and Mitchell.
Claire and Mitchell's mother comes to Lily's princess-themed birthday party with Claire's ex-boyfriend.
Phil and Claire had a huge fight and Phil hasn't a clue as to what it was over, so Gloria steps in to counsel Phil and Jay takes Claire. Meanwhile, Jay may have some regret in buying Gloria a karaoke machine, and Cameron is in full prep mode for a huge fundraising event and enlists help from Mitchell and Luke - which might not be the best choices.
Claire tries to restore order between Haley and Alex, while Phil sneaks out for a day at a spa. Meanwhile, Cameron decides to write a book.
Phil and Claire have some trepidation when they find out that Luke has befriended their crotchety old neighbor, Mr. Kleezak; Jay's attempt to avoid sitting through a symphony concert with Gloria and Manny lands him in the middle of Mitchell and Cameron's "boys' night out"; and Haley has her own adventures in babysitting with Lily.
Cameron takes control of the spring musical at Luke and Manny's school, while Jay's brother pays him and visit, and Phil tries to get the family to be in his new real estate advertisement.
Mitchell and Cam try to pick a legal guardian for Lily should anything happen to them.
Gloria and Claire spend some quality time with their kids by taking them on a hike on Mother's Day. Meanwhile, Phil catches Jay in a moment of weakness.
Phil and Claire decide to switch parenting roles for a day, while Jay gives entrepreneur advice to a friend opening a dog training business, and Cameron comes down with the flu on the night of a Lady Gaga concert.
The whole family is gathering at Jay's before heading out to Alex's graduation ceremony from middle school.
Jay wants nothing more than to have a quiet birthday out fishing on the lake, but the family take that as him wanting a big celebration.