When Francine discovers that all of their family vacations have been artificially created memories, she gets very angry and demands a real vacation. However, when the vacation seems too good to be true, Francine is convinced it's the work of the CIA and causes the family to suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, Roger attempts to become the greatest actor who ever lived.
In order to be taken more seriously and to be a somebody, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay. Meanwhile, Hayley poses nude for a college art class and is surprised to see Roger there.
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
When Francine's adopted parents stop by for an unannounced stay, Stan is furious that they refuse to assimilate to his "man of the house" ways. After he unsuccessfully tries to give them the boot, he is convinced that finding Francine's birth parents will change things. Meanwhile, Steve tries to live to the extreme in order to get to second base with the class hottie.
When Hayley decides to move to France because of imperialistic oppression, Stan will do anything to stop her including revealing the fact that she was brainwashed as a child by the CIA. Feeling desperate, Stan activates her trigger word and gains control over Hayley against the advice of his boss, Bullock. Everything is going fine until Stan remembers that if he doesn't change Hayley back to normal, there will be deadly consequences for him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger become private Dick Tracys.
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he's never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska boarder, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction. He demands a grander Christmas starting with the search of a bigger and better tree in the forest. When his family has had enough, Stan powers on by himself, finds the perfect tree and meets an untimely end. While in Limbo, he has to fight for a second chance at life and battle the forces of good and evil to save his family.
After a big fight between Stan and Roger, Francine comes up with a plan to try and reunite the pair. Hoping to show Roger that Stan still cares about him, Francine fakes Roger's kidnapping, but when Stan never shows up to pay the ransom, it forces Roger to rethink the way he treats people.
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can hug. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
When Stan's mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
Roger begins to release photos of himself to the local media for extra cash, prompting the CIA to initiate an Alien Task Force. Through a twist of fate, Roger ends up in charge of the task force in disguise, creating tension at home as he is now Stan's boss. Meanwhile, Francine comes to grips with being left-handed and Roger frames Stan as an alien in attempt to keep his identity a secret.
Officially declared dead after an accident with a pudding truck, Stan comes back to life to realize his dream of leaving a legacy on the world and begins to excavate his home in search of Ollie North's "Contra"-band buried treasure. As the search for gold goes "North", life at home heads south as Hayley turns to body-piercing, Steve creates a robotic girlfriend and Roger files for sexual harassment.
Stan has a Spring Break-induced mid-life crisis. With Francine away visiting her parents, Roger invites Spring Breakers to party at the Smith household. But Stan nearly has a Spring Breakdown when he falls prey to booze-cruising Jessica and Steve tries to lose his virginity to the luscious Carmen Selectra.