The Smiths' plans to celebrate Roger's 1,600th birthday are sidetracked when Steve announces that he's finally going through puberty. Ever fearful of the thought of a Steve with raging hormones, Stan and Francine try to bypass the pains of having another teenager with experimental medicine.
When Roger discovers that someone has maxed out his credit card, he is certain it is identify theft and is determined to bring down the crook. After playing "Matlock" for a few days and dishing out some street justice, he realizes things are not quite right and seem all too familiar.
When Stan becomes his boss' go-to guy, he feels like he can't say no to anything including outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets roped into the annoying ordeal and her romantic Valentine's Day get-away is ruined, she lays down the law and forces Stan to say "NO".
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed. Little does she know that her former fiancé is still alive, and when Stan realizes this, he and Roger try to track him down, while Francine must choose between her husband or her lost love.
Steve plots his revenge against all the popular girls who torment nerds and losers at his school.
Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend and falls for Stan's body double from the CIA. Things take a bizarre twist when the double begins hitting on Francine.
Roger suggests Stan hold a telethon to raise funds after the CIA's budget cut, but when Stan takes all the credit for the idea, Roger tries to sabotage it.
When Steve suffers indignities in school because of the back brace he must wear for his scoliosis, Stan confides in him that he wears a wig to cover his baldness. Meanwhile, Roger invites both Francine and Hayley to a posh spa even though he has only two passes, so he sneaks in Hayley in a suitcase, raising the suspicions of the house detective.
Stan is ecstatic when a co-worker gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night but feel like he slept for eight hours.
When the Smiths try to plan a family game night, Roger is full of excuses about prior commitments. However, when he is caught in a lie, the Smiths feel embraced in the back when they realize Roger has been cheating on them with other families. Stan, Francine, Hayley and Steve go on the offensive to teach Roger a lesson about monogamy until Roger has a breakthrough about why he isn't a one family kind-of-guy.
When Langley Falls implements a ban on trans fats, Stan finds himself legally separated from his favorite foods. He sets a poor example for the rest of the family when he blatantly disregards the law by crossing county lines and using Steve as a trans-fatty food mule to satisfy his own gluttonous desires.
When Stan forgets to pick up grenadine at the grocery store, Roger goes ballistic and vows to get him back by taking over a project close to his heart - the Homeowner's Association.
Steve signs Stan up for a father-son bike tournament, but the plan veers off-track when Stan admits that his father never taught him how to ride a bike. Determined to make things better, Steve helps reconcile Stan with his convict father. Meanwhile, Hayley needs internship credit for school, so Roger hires her to bartend at his makeshift bar in the attic.
Steve and the gang sabotage a stuck-up kid's bar mitzvah after he hits on Steve's girlfriend, Debbie. But when Snot gets wrongly accused of stealing the kid's bar mitzvah money, he must answer to the Rabbi and his own celebration is in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch a cell phone idea to Verizon, but the plan gets fuzzy when they can't deliver the goods.
When Stan gets kidnapped in Colombia, Francine fears he's gone for good. Stan finally reappears unharmed, but the real trouble erupts in the Smith household when he admits that he has a plan to marry his dentist if Francine dies before him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play detective duo "Wheels and the Legman".
Stan is excited about finally building his dream car: a DeLorean. Francine encourages him to include Steve, so the two take a road trip in search of doors for the sports car. The trip veers off-track when there is a mad dash across the country to get the last set of doors available.
Steve joins a junior football team to make Stan proud. However, when a hyper-competitive Stan assumes the position of head coach, Steve gets kicked off the team for not being good enough. Out for revenge, Steve and Roger recruit a new team of misfits who threaten Stan's perfect season. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete for a blue ribbon at the Langley County Fair.
Stan has had enough of Roger's antics! When he calls Roger out, Roger claims he has been sent to Earth to determine the fate of mankind. Stan challenges him to prove it, and is tickled pink when he learns Roger's real purpose for being on Earth. Roger struggles to get a grip on reality until a fateful turn of events helps put things in perspective.
Neighbors Terry and Greg are nervous when Terry's father, football great Tank Bates, announces that he will be coming to town for a visit. Terry is worried because his dad doesn't know he's gay, has a baby or lives with his partner. Meanwhile, Steve goes on a drunken bender and learns the meaning of the phrase beer goggles.
Stan leaves Francine at home to go out with the boys, but guys' night out goes from wild to reckless when Stan finds himself in one compromising situation after another. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley use their charm and looks to attract a frat boy.