The Thing and I
Homer and Marge warn the children not to go up into the attic. Of course they do and there they discover Bart's Siamese twin, who plans to sew them back together.
The Genesis Tub
Lisa's science experiment becomes a quickly-developing micro-universe, where she is thought of as God and Bart is the devil.
Homer is abducted by Kang and Kodos. The aliens take Homer to Washington where they replace Clinton and Dole just in time for the election. Homer tries to explain the truth, but no one believes him.
Homer is offered a job by the Globex Corporation located in Cypress Creek. The family agree to make the move, but have an awful time once there. Homer must decide whether or not to give up his new job which he has grown to love in order to make his family happy.
Bart buys an extravagant belt on a trip to the mall, but the school bullies beat him up and steal it. When Homer goes to confront the parents of the boys in Moe's Bar he promptly receives a beating of his own. During the beating, however, Homer remains completely unfazed; Moe sees this and proposes to Homer that he test out his abilities in boxing.
The family goes to an apple mill and on the way home, they see a hitchhiker. Homer wants to pick him up, but Marge is totally against it. Ignoring her Homer picks him up and finds out that he is Mr. Burns' illegitimate son, Larry. He helps Larry get in touch with Burns, but Mr. Burns cannot stand him, because he is boorish, obnoxious, and rude. Mr. Burns tries to get him into a college, but Larry is way too dumb and Mr. Burns decides he wants nothing to do with his son. Homer and Larry are good friends now, so Homer comes up with a plan for Larry to win Mr. Burns' love. He stages a fake kidnapping and Larry stays with Homer in his basement. It becomes a big media event, but when a helicopter spots Homer and Larry, they flee to a movie theater. The police find them there and Larry admits it is a fake kidnapping. When Mr. Burns will still not accept him, Larry goes back home to his family.
Lisa talks Marge into going to help rescue animals from an oil spill. This leaves Bart and Homer all along and on their own. Bart causes some damage at what the kids call the local "haunted house." As a punishment, Homer insists that he go there and work to pay for the damage that he caused. Bart discovers the house is actually a burlesque parlor and he begins working there as a stand-up comedian and maitre d'. Marge returns to find what Bart is doing and is angry with Homer so she goes to the owner of the house and tells her to leave Springfield. When that does not work, she goes before the town and tries to get them to bulldoze the place. They all travel to the house with tools of destruction and begin tearing it down, but Homer pleads with them to save the burlesque house and in the process he and everyone breaks into song. The song is so good that it convinces everyone on how valuable the house is to the town. Marge shows up late with a bulldozer. She offers to sing a song in response, but accidentally demolishes the house when she does.
Marge is upset with Homer because their married life has become routine so she decides to hold a dinner party with other married couples to show him what a marriage can be. The party is over when the Van Houtens get into a huge argument and decide to get a divorce. Homer befriends Kirk, who tries to become a singer when he loses his job and Marge befriends Luann, who begins dating an American Gladiator. Milhouse stays with his mother and becomes a spoiled brat. Meanwhile Homer recalls his awful wedding with Marge and he worries that he and Marge have drifted apart, so he tries to win her back. When that doesn't work, he applies for a divorce. He breaks the news to her and then surprises her with a wedding ceremony. This time, all her friends are there and Kirk tries unsuccessfully to win back Luann at the wedding.
Chalmers buys his dream cara Honda. Someone has stolen the H from the insignia on its hood, making Chalmers cry like a little girl. Skinner tries to find the culprit. Meanwhile, Homer obtains a telemarketing machine. Skinner conducts a search of the students' lockers and discovers that the usual suspect, Nelson, had stolen it. Nelson gets detention, but also the admiration of Lisa. She falls for his rebellious ways and tells him how much she likes him. Homer's telemarketing machine calls for people in Springfield to send one dollar to "Happy Dude at 742 Evergreen Terrace Springfield." Nelson disgusts Lisa, but Marge tells her to try to change him. Her subsequent attempt leads to her first kiss. Nelson's friends are mad at him for having a girlfriend. They want to attack Skinner's house but Nelson will only join them later. Homer's auto-dialer gets him in trouble with the cops. Nelson gets in trouble for his prank on Skinner. Lisa decides to break up with Nelson, leaving an open window for Milhouse. Homer rigs the telemarketing machine to dial an apology to everybody in town.
A hurricane comes through Springfield, and the Simpson family hides in their basement. When the storm blows over, they go outside and find the Flanders' home has been demolished. The Flanders must stay at the church, wearing borrowed clothes. Then Ned sees on the news that people are vandalizing the Leftorium. To help him out, the residents of Springfield secretly rebuild the Flanders home. When Ned gets a tour of the house, he finds that they had no idea what they were doing. When the house crumbles to the ground Ned goes berserk and tears into everybody in town. After his outburst he drives to the nuthouse and checks himself in. They call up his old psychiatrist and in a flashback to Ned's childhood we see that Ned was a brat. His parents were beatniks who did not discipline him. It was his old psychiatrist who provided the disciplined for him, which left him with a speech impediment-adilly. The psychiatrist tries to get him to express his anger, so he enlists the help of the most annoying man on the planet... Homer Simpson. Homer gets Ned to admit that he hates his parents, which leads to a cure allowing him to check out of the nuthouse.
Remembering last year, Marge tries to hide the big annual chili cook-off from Homer. When he figures it out, she makes him promise not to drink any beer. Homer is known as the dude with the fireproof stomach and Chief Wiggum brews up some chili with Guatemalan insanity peppers, and it burns the hell out of Homer's mouth. He decides to put wax in his mouth, so he can eat the peppers whole. After eating a few, he begins hallucinating and Homer runs off into the sunset and experiencing a strange journey. The rest of the family leaves without him after he embarrasses them. On his journey, Homer meets a talking coyote who tells him to find his soul mate. He wakes up on a golf course and begins his search. Marge is upset with him, making him think it is not her. Homer ends up at a lighthouse, where Marge eventually finds him. Because she found him, he figures out that she IS his soul mate. A ship crashes at the lighthouse, leaving short shorts everywhere.
Leonard Nimoy opens a tale about a typical Friday night. Homer goes to the Moe's but has to walk home after Moe tells him that his blood alcohol level is too high to drive. A bunch of creepy things happen on this walk home, including seeing an alien. He tells people, but no one believes him. A couple of Special Agents from the FBI, named Mulder and Scully, come to investigate. The alien comes back every Friday, like Urkel. Homer and Bart venture out late at night to get hard evidence and film the latest encounter and get the footage shown on the news. The whole town shows up the following Friday evening. They all see it, but Smithers reveals that it is just Mr. Burns on his medication. They all sing together, as Homer brings the town peace and love.
After being kicked out of the Springfield women's investment club, Marge is determined to best her ex-club members and she invests in a pretzel franchise. But when pretzel sales struggle, Homer unwittingly turns to Fat Tony and the mob to help Marge corner the snack business in Springfield.
Mr. Burns tests the plant by having a fire drill. When they fail miserably, he organizes a retreat to promote teamwork. Homer misunderstands and brings the family. As an activity Homer has to find a cabin on a mountain by using a map. Who is his partner? Why it's Mr. Burns! Smithers doesn't like that arrangement and has to search for the cabin without a partner. Adding to his stress is the fact that the last ones to arrive at the cabin will be fired. Marge and the kids look for things to do, but everything is very boring. Homer and Mr. Burns manage to find the cabin first and they relax there until an avalanche, caused by clinking of their champagne glasses, traps them. Teammates Lenny and Carl can't find the cabin after the avalanche. Trapped like rats, Homer and Mr. Burns start to go crazy. A propane tank explodes and unearths the cabin. Everyone piles into the cabin, after all, the last one in will be fired, but Mr. Burns decides not to fire the loser (Lenny) after all.
The Simpson family is watching a Krusty special when Lisa notices that Marge's hair is falling out. The reason, says Dr. Hibbert, is stress. Homer vows to do whatever it takes to get her back to normal. Marge wants him to hire a nanny. They interview nannies, but Homer keeps accusing each applicant of being a man. No one seems to be qualified until Shary Bobbins arrives. She has an instant rapport with the children. They sing songs as they do chores. Everyone else in Springfield loves her, too. Shary is about to leave, but realizes that the Simpson family still needs her. She stays and they become more and more dependent upon her. Eventually her songs stop working, Bart whips cupcakes at the wall and Lisa sits around watching TV. When they tell her that they are happy just the way they are, Shary Bobbins leaves (only to be sucked into a jet engine).
"Itchy & Scratchy" are getting low ratings, so the producers sample children as a test audience. They decide that they need a new character. The execs decide to add a new dog named "Poochie" and hold auditions for the voice. Homer, Otto, Troy McClure and others audition, but Homer gets the part. Coincidentally, a guy named Roy is staying with the Simpson family. Homer gathers friends to watch his debut as Poochie and they all hate it. Poochie is a spectacular failure, so the execs are going to hug him off, but Homer refuses to let him die. He writes his own lines and reads them. The producers hug him off anyway, in a very strange edit and Roy leaves the Simpson house, too. With that, "Itchy & Scratchy" returns to its former glory.
Bart destroys the clothes dryer, so Marge decides to sell a family heirloom to pay for a new one. They go to a store that sells camp antique items. Homer does not understand why grown men would enjoy such things, but he gets in a conversation with John, the antique dealer "with a difference" who works there. He invites John over to look over the valuable, worthless crap in his house. Homer thinks John is great, but Marge tells him that he is gay. Homer is homophobic, so he decides that he hates John, but the rest of the family continues to hang out with John. Bart begins to act effeminately, further horrifying Homer so he makes Bart look at scantily-clad women. Then he brings Bart to a steel mill, where real men work (not realizing that the mill workers are gay). When those things don't work, he decides to take Bart deer hunting. That does not work either, when the reindeer attacks them. John rushes Marge and Lisa to save the reindeer, but arrive in time to save Homer. In the end Homer decides to accept John and Bart for who they are.
Bart watches television and sees his psychotic nemesis, Sideshow Bob. We follow Bob, who has turned into an upstanding person while behind bars. He qualifies for a work release program, so his brother, Cecil, becomes his new boss. They are building a dam. Bart follows Bob, trying to catch him in another diabolical scheme. He cannot find any evidence, so he gets Lisa to help him. Then Bart and Lisa find some incriminating evidence and confront Bob. Cecil traps all three, revealing that he, not Bob, is going to destroy Springfield with the new dam. Bob, Bart, and Lisa form an alliance and try to stop Cecil. They succeed, and the police show up. Bob and Cecil both go to prison, even though Bob had nothing to do with it.
Lisa is interested in babysitting. Ned Flanders offers her a job to watch his boys, and gives her a glowing review. Homer and Marge are impressed, and ask her to baby sit Bart while they're at the Squidport gala. To make Lisa look like a bad babysitter, Bart feeds Maggie coffee ice cream and embarks on a series of pranks that unnerve Lisa. When he refuses to go to bed, Lisa lunges at him, causing him to fall down the stairs and break his arm. Bart bangs his head against a door to make the injury more serious, and passes out in the process. Lisa panics and takes him to Dr. Nick's clinic in a wheelbarrow. Bart falls out down a hill on the way, stopping yards from the gala. The townspeople are mortified, but Lisa still receives more babysitting offers the next day.
It's St. Patrick's Day in Springfield and the Simpsons go to the parade, while there Bart accidentally gets drunk, and the whole town sees him inebriated on television. The town starts pushing for prohibition, but it is discovered that there is already an old law that prohibits drinking, under punishment of catapult. With the old law back in place, organized crime starts supplying alcohol. Wiggum becomes the scapegoat for this and is fired. Rex Banner is brought in as his replacement and he stops any alcohol from entering Springfield. Homer and Bart come up with an idea to profit off the situation. They take some hidden beer supplies and begin selling it to bars and Homer becomes the "Beer Baron" and Marge is impressed. When his supply runs out, Homer starts making his own liquor in the basement. Marge is not crazy about this new strategy, meanwhile Rex Banner can't seem to find the mysterious "Beer Baron". With no job, Wiggum has fallen on hard times. Because it is so hard to keep the alcohol supply up, Homer decides to turn himself in to Wiggum. Rex Banner plans on catapulting Homer, who gets away scot-free when it is revealed that the old law is invalid. The town instead catapults Rex Banner, and reinstates Wiggum.
While at school, Martin invites the class to his birthday party. Edna Krabappel and Seymour Skinner show up and so do Bart, Lisa and many others. As one of the dishes Mrs. Prince serves oysters. When Seymour spots his mother trying to enter the party he and Edna go and flirt in Martin's teahouse. Everyone but Bart, Edna and Seymour leave the party sick because of the oysters. Bart stays a while and sees Edna and Seymour kissing. At school they overhear Bart about to tell Milhouse, Lewis and gang about what he saw, so Krabappel and Skinner take Bart into the principal's office. They make an excuse which fails, and bribe Bart by saying they will clear his permanent record if he keeps quiet. Then they start using him as their messenger, by pulling/sending him out of class to send messages to each other. It works for a while until they go a little too far. Bart tells everyone and proves it by opening the janitor's closet to reveal Krabappel and Skinner kissing. Rumors go from parent to parent about them having sexual relations. Superintendent Chalmers fires Krabappel and Skinner, but Bart tells them that they should demand to stay employed. Krabappel and Skinner lock the school and a mob watches as they demand their love be respected. Maude Flanders tells why they are upset, and Seymour reveals himself to be a virgin, satisfying everyone. Their relationship is legal, and Bart is out of the picture.
Marge lets Bart read her junk mail and he comes across a credit card application. He fills it out with the name "Santo's Little Helper," his dog. When the application is approved and he gets the card, he starts spending like a madman, not realizing how credit works. He even buys a collie named Laddie, this dog is so perfect, that he neglects his old dog. Eventually the repo men come to take back everything he bought, including one 00 dog. Bart gives him Santa's Little Helper instead of Laddie, but he soon misses his old dog and grows tired of the new one. Laddie gets local attention when he saves a baby's life, so Bart gives him to the police and then searches for his old dog, and finds him living with a blind man. The blind man calls the police when Bart breaks into his place. When the police come, Laddie finds pot on the blind guy. Bart leaves with Santa's Little Helper as the police smoke the blind guy's stash.
Lisa wakes up early and begins working on her new hobby, recycling. Mr. Burns comes to talk to the school, and Lisa asks about him about his recycling program. He brags about how much money he has, but Lisa and Smithers reveal to him that he has very little money left. His "yes" men have never told him that his stocks have been losing money. Mr. Burns has to move from his house and the bank forecloses on the power plant, putting Lenny in charge. Nobody has any sympathy for Mr. Burns and he ends up in the old folks' home. He tries to regain his fortune by using Lisa's recycling program. She refuses him initially, but he presses on until she caves. They recycle, bringing in small amounts of money and they eventually gain enough money to build a recycling plant. It contains an invention that sweeps fish out of the ocean and makes slurry. This horrifies Lisa and she begins to tell people to stop recycling. When Mr. Burns stop by with a check for her for million she refuses it; giving Homer four simultaneous heart attacks.
Marge takes the family to church; afterwards she notices how little of an effect it has on them. She goes to talk to Reverend Lovejoy about it and she becomes a volunteer. Homer brings to the kids to the dump and there they find a box with Homer's face on it, which really creeps him out. Because Reverend Lovejoy is terrible at giving advice, Marge takes over that aspect of his job; Reverend Lovejoy stopped caring about the congregation a long time ago. When the calls come in, Marge does a great job. Homer investigates the box and finds out that it is a Japanese dish detergent. He calls up Japan to inquire further and they send him a promotional videotape, which clears up the mystery behind Homer's face. It is the company's logo; a combination between a fish and a light bulb. Reverend Lovejoy soon finds that Marge outshines him, so he gets depressed. When teens start to hassle Flanders he calls for advice, but Marge screws up on the advice she gives him. The teens continue to harass him all night and into the next day and he ends up outside of town at a zoo. Marge brings Reverend Lovejoy and Homer to save him. Baboons try to hug Flanders and Reverend Lovejoy goes in to save him. The adventure brings Reverend Lovejoy a new inspiration for his job.
Kent Brockman does a human interest story about Frank Grimes. Frank Grimes is a man who has had a VERY difficult life and Burns sees the report and tells Smithers to hire him. When Grimes comes to work at the plant, he meets Lenny, Carl, and Homer. All three of them are very stupid in this episode, but no one more so than Homer. Grimes can't stand any of them, especially after Homer starts calling him "Grimey". He is very concerned that Homer is an unsafe employee, after Homer nearly drinks acid and "Grimey" saves his life. Then Burns yells at Grimes about it and Frank Grimes decides to get even. He gets Homer to enter a nuclear plant design contest, but doesn't tell him that it is for kids only. Although he is an idiot, Homer works hard at it and wins the contest. Everyone is impressed with Homer and this sends Frank Grimes over the edge. He has a breakdown and accidentally electrocutes himself. At his funeral, Homer once again steals the show. Meanwhile, Bart makes the winning bid () on an abandoned factory at an auction and hires Milhouse as his night watchman. They do a lot of dangerous things in the building until one day, it tips over and crumbles.
Troy McClure introduces three possible spin-offs from the series.
Chief Wiggum, P.I.
Chief Wiggum is a detective in New Orleans and Principal Skinner is his assistant. Their first case pits them against Big Daddy, an operator in New Orleans who's kidnapped Ralph.
The Love-Matic Grampa
Moe's Love Tester machine has a special soul... Grampa's. He tries to put Moe's love life into order.
The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour
The family returns in a new variety show format a'la The Brady Bunch Hour with a side of Laugh-In. Their show even features a "new girl" playing Lisa the way a new girl played Jan on the Brady show.
Bart's class goes to the police station on a field trip and while he is there, he just can't resist pulling a prank; meanwhile, Lisa's class is not challenging for her at all. Chief Wiggum meets with the Homer and Marge and recommends military school for Bart. Homer and Marge tell Bart they are going to Disneyland, but trick him and take him to military school. Bart does not want to be there from the get-go, but Lisa sees the discipline the cadets receive and decides to stay there with Bart. She is the first female ever to join the academy, so she gets a hard time from the other cadets. Bart starts to fit in after a while, and tries to keep the fact that he cares about her a secret. A final challenge awaits Bart and Lisa; they must pass a physical test called "The Eliminator". Bart helps Lisa to train in secret and when they both pass, they go home.