Remote Control makes its US debut with Wayne(South Park), Jeff(tv evangelist), Colin(Game Show Network) and Ryan(Jerry Springer)all discussing chickens. Next, Let's Make A Date had Jeff choosing from Wayne(the singing bass), Colin(tempermental actor having to repeatedly kiss the other two in a movie), and Ryan(group of prisoners in a crowded cell block welcoming newcomer Colin). Then Sound Effects had audience members Charlene and Michelle doing the noises for Colin and Ryan as a couple at an amusement park; Colin being the pregnant wife about to give birth. Next up, Doo Wop, with Jeff, Colin and Wayne singing about Peggy who died in a freak taxidermy accident. Jeff won, so he sat out Props, which had Colin and Wayne vs. Ryan and Drew. All four read the credits by telling how they would spend their 0 bills.
Ryan and Colin are two business partners at a health center, with props provided by "Living Scenery" people Wayne and Kathy; Wayne sings a la Riverdance to Samantha, an aerobics instructor, in "Song Styles"; "2-Line Vocabulary" features Colin trying to save the world from Wayne ("What does that do- and "That's not what you said yesterday!") and Ryan's ("Oops ... I did it again". and "") mishaps at a nuclear plant; "Infomercial"; "Scenes from a Hat" include "Things bald men are tired of hearing".
Kathy wins, so the rest sing the first kiss "Hoedown".
The show starts with "Weird Newscasters", where Colin anchors, Chip plays a young cowboy rodeo star, Wayne is the entire U.S. synchronized swimming team, and Ryan is rapidly descending the evolutionary scale; Ryan and Colin "Narrate" in a bike shop; Chip and Wayne do a "Duet" to a pet photographer as Run DMC and Aerosmith; Ryan and Colin do an "Infomercial" for hair removal; a "Hoedown" about blind dates.
Colin wins the game and Drew, Ryan, and Wayne sing to Kim as a "Three-Headed Broadway Star", singing "I Love You For Your Shoes".
"Questions Only" sees romance break out at a luxurious European health spa; Ruth and Lisa provide "Sound Effects" for Ryan and Colin, two American GIs attempting an escape from a German World War II POW camp; "Scenes from a Hat" include "original rejected poses for the Mona Lisa"; "Songs of James Bond".
Kathy wins, so the rest sing the Got Arrested "Irish Drinking Song".
Chip must choose from members of 'N Sync fighting amongst themselves during a video shoot (Wayne), an insult comic reincarnated as a ravenous blood-sucking leech (Colin), and a bride going through progressively worsening wedding day with her husband, Colin (Ryan), in "Let's Make a Date"; Chip and Wayne sing a "Duet" to Anna the sign language interpreter as Rod Stewart and Tina Turner; a Dracula "Scene to Rap"; Chip hosts "Party Quirks", with an attendee of a keg party from sober to passed out in 30 seconds (Wayne), an overly dramatic private investigator finding ridiculous clues to a murder (Colin), and a panicking, trapped bird who keeps mistaking cameras for open windows (Ryan); a "Doo-Wop" song by Wayne, Ryan, and Chip about Cheryl, who died in a tragic knitting accident.
Colin wins, so it's Wayne and Chip vs. Drew and Ryan in "Props".
Colin anchors "Weird Newscasters", along with a trailer-trash woman telling her ex-husband at home what a great lover Colin is (Kathy), a nerdy, nearsighted teenager playing his first game of spin the bottle (Wayne), and John Wayne who thinks the studio's under attack (Ryan); Colin reports a "Newsflash" to Ryan and Kathy from the scene of amateur gross-out stunts; in a raunchy "Party Quirks", Kathy hosts various celebrities getting steamrolled (Wayne), someone who suspects that people are not the sex they claim and is finding out to be sure (Colin), and a hunky model in a photo shoot for the covers of romance novels (Ryan); Wayne, Colin, and Ryan do a post office "Show-Stopping Number".
Kathy wins, so the rest do the "World's Worst" person to share a lifeboat with.
"Let's Make a Date"; the "Title Sequence" for the hit sitcom "(Mike) Tyson and (Abraham) Lincoln"; "Scenes from a Hat" include "strange items on sale at the prison gift shop" and "pick-up lines of game show hosts"; Brad hosts "Party Quirks", with a televison that keeps changing channels (Wayne), an insatiable mosquito that gets drunk on blood (Colin), and talking roadkill coming back to haunt Brad (Ryan); the "3-Headed Broadway Star" (Wayne, Ryan, Colin) perform "That Sinking Feeling" from the hit musical Quicksand.
Wayne wins, so the rest sing the family reunion "Hoedown" as punishment.
Colin's "Hollywood Director" heads a film featuring an impatient customer at Ryan's gas station when a thief, Wayne, comes to rob them; "Living Scenery" features Colin and Ryan getting ready for their day with the help of "props" Wayne and Kathy; the "3-Headed Broadway Star" reappears for the second time of the night and sings "You've Got a Beautiful Earlobe" to audience member Katie; in "Helping Hands", Italians Ryan and Kathy have a romantic dinner, which Ryan hopes to culminate with a wedding proposal, with Colin as his hands.
Kathy wins, so it's Colin and Wayne against Drew and Ryan in "Props".
In "Hollywood Director", Colin directs Ryan, a clumsy waiter who spills food on temperamental model Wayne's clothes and Chip, Wayne's rock star boyfriend, who arrives later; Wayne and Chip sing to Shana the animal trainer as Metallica during "Duet"; "Song Titles" at the police station on a busy Saturday night; "Scenes from a Hat" are "Times when you'd like to say 'Let's see that again in slow motion'", "Bad times to ask her for sex", "Bad names for perfume", "What your dogs think and do when you leave them alone in the house", "Unusual cases for the FBI", "World's worst catch phrases", "If people broke into song in real life", and "Difficult questions for mommy to answer".
Wayne wins so everyone else does the "Drunk Mother Hoedown".
Retiring Santa Claus (Colin) hosts a "Press Conference"; "If You Know What I Mean" at an office, featuring Brad, Colin, and Ryan; "Show Stopping Number" casts Ryan, Colin, and Wayne at a veterinarian's office; "Dubbing With an Audience Member" places Brad's voice into audience member Betty's mouth, and she plays a cheerleader watching quarterback Colin work out when her boyfriend, Ryan, walks in; "Scenes from a Hat" include "times when eenie-meenie-miney-mo is not an appropriate selection method" ("Congratulations, Mr. Bush").
Wayne wins, so the rest sing the doctor "Hoedown".
Poor Wayne must pick a match in "Let's Make a Date" from Judge Judy (Greg), a man who turns into a killer hamster when frightened (Colin), and the "Crocodile Hunter" on various dangerous encounters; Colin reports a "Newsflash" to Ryan and Greg, standing amidst many professional wrestlers; Colin is Beauty, trying to free her father from the Beast, Ryan, in "Whose Line"; "Weird Newscasters" features Greg anchoring along with a streaker who has bet his friends that he can get in all the camera shots (Colin), an Italian stud who would rather be picking up women (Wayne), and a runner in an Olympic relay (Ryan); the divorce "Irish Drinking Song".
Ryan wins, so he reads the credits as the Crocodile Hunter.
Colin hosts Weird Newscasters with a whiny girlfriend from a 1930s gangster movie who thinks Colin is her mob boss boyfriend (Kathy), a female Russian weightlifter trying to impress an American man with her strength (Wayne), and an increasingly desperate Prince Charming using his own shoe as the slipper (Ryan); Wayne's latest Song Styles is an 80s rock anthem for police detective Ingrid; Colin reports another Newsflash for Ryan and Kathy - from a roller coaster; Songs of the Race Car Driver.
Kathy wins, so the rest sing another Hoedown about getting arrested.
Colin holds a "Press Conference" as the Tin Man who is announcing he and Dorothy are having a child; "Hats"; "Multiple Personalities" for Greg, Ryan, and Colin is set on the S.S. Poseidon, with a captain's hat representing John Wayne, a life boat representing Liberace, and a sight representing the Rainman; "Songs of Retirement".
Wayne wins, so the rest give examples of the "World's Worst" self-help instructional video.
Hollywood Director started things, with the whip-wielding wicked lord(Ryan) forcing gypsy girl Esmerelda(Whoopi) to dance for him when hideously ugly Quasimodo(Wayne) swings in to save her; Colin directing. A very appreciative Wayne sang to Whoopi as Tina Turner in Song Styles, then Wayne did the voice for Whoopi as a supermodel being wooed by French(yes, French) designer Colin when her photographer boyfriend Ryan enters, in Dubbing. Scenes From A Hat included things you shouldn't do when walking down the aisle at your wedding, if classic movies had nude scenes, if cartoon characters had adult conversations, what you don't want to see tattooed on your date, inappropriate times to use baby talk, and bad topics of conversation when meeting the Queen of England. Lastly, Foreign Film Dub had Drew(voiced by Ryan) and Whoopi(voiced by Colin) doing the Chinese action film "Soba Noodle For You". Wayne was declared the winner, and he and Whoopi read the credits as two old women talking about wh
"Questionable Impressions" takes a TV-turn, and is set in an emergency room; Brad and Wayne sing a country song "Duet" to Lassie; all four do a "Film Dub" of two fighting street gangs; Ryan is an angel, and Colin is Bosley, and they're trying to save the other angels from a militia headquarters in "Sound Effects".
No one is announced as a winner, but Sid Caesar comes out to play "Foreign Film Dub" with Drew, movie titled "Escargot" and the languages French, German, Japanese, and Russian (Ryan translates for Drew, Colin for Sid, and Wayne calls out language switches).
"Questions Only" is set on some bawdy frontier land during the gold rush; Ryan and Colin do an "Infomercial" for excessive arm hair removal; Jeff ("Oh my God, that's enormous" and "I resent that") Ryan ("What was that- and "Should I use my gun-), and Colin play "Two Line Vocabulary"; "Songs of the Motorcycle".
Wayne wins, so the others give examples of the "World's Worst" neighbor.
First up,Weird Newscasters had Brad as the anchor with Colin(Brad's jealous lover who knows he's cheating on him), Wayne(defending his title in the national greased pig championship), and Ryan(first time mother going from conception to birth). Next was Two-Line Vocabulary with sub captain Colin suspects crew members Brad("What the hell is that- and "Says who-) and Ryan("That can't be good" and "When's lunch-) of being enemy spies. Following that was Quick Change with Wayne calling out "change" for Brad, who is an outlaw bothering Miss Kitty/Colin, when Sherrif Ryan arrives to help. Scenes From A Hat has Latin American soccer announcers on their day off, weird things for people to find beautiful, weird things for Grandma to give you for Christmas, and what politicians wives are thinking as they wave on the podium. They skip the Drew game again and have all four do an Irish Drinking Song about graduation. Credit reading was Brad and Wayne as greased pig catchers with Ryan and Colin th
Game 1: Weird Newscasters - Colin is the anchor. Chip is an Italian singing gondolier whose boat has sprung a leak. Wayne is again on sports as an excited Japanese tourist. Ryan again doing the weather as Bigfoot caught on film, desperately trying to escape from being spotted.
Game 2: Title Sequence - Chip and Wayne sing the theme song to Bea Arthur and Brad Pitt, with Colin and Ryan performing as the title characters.
Game 3: Scenes From A Hat - What your wife is thinking right now; Boy Scout badges we'll never see; Diet books that didn't fly off the shelves; Strange 900 numbers; Bad race horse names to call in a race.
Game 4: Improbable Mission - Wayne is the voice on the tape, and Colin and Ryan are secret agents on a mission to wash a car.
Game 5: Irish Drinking Song - Hair Transplant
Artificial Winner: Chip
Drew Game: Props
Credits Roll: All four contestants as people at a very dysfunctional family reunion.
Starting off was Let's Make A Date with Chip choosing from Wayne(power crazed Southern state trooper), Colin(joined at the butt with Ryan but desperate for his own showbiz career), and Ryan(motorcycle stunt rider). Next was Motown Group where Wayne(to his consternation), Chip and Ryan sang "Do The Hockey Player". Following that was Song Titles where all four were soldiers in the trenches. Scenes From a Hat had when cartoon characters go on dates, first drafts of famous movie lines, the worst person to be stuck with at a party, trivial reasons to hold news conferences, and other things Dorothy and her friends asked the Wizard for. Wayne was declared the winner, so Drew joined the others in a body odor Hoedown, with Ryan and Colin reading the credits as two guys joined at the butt.
In "Hollywood Director", Colin directs Ryan as a shoplifter, Wayne as a store detective, and Brad as the investigating police officer, with the styles Elvis, backwards, and catty Vegas showgirls; "Infomercial" for acne; "Party Quirks" features Brad hosting a family coming to blows on the Jerry Springer Show (Wayne), the synchronized swimming teammate of the others (Colin), and various animals spotting and charging the camera (Ryan); a "Title Sequence" for the new show George Washington and the Ventriloquist.
Ryan and Colin win, so they join Drew in a game of "Helping Hands" with Ryan the ill-tempered owner of an ice cream shop teaching his new soda jerk Drew how to make the ultimate ice cream sundae, with Colin providing hands.
Kathy lets fiance Wayne "Meet the Parents": her dominatrix mother (Ryan) and her Rain Man father (Colin); "Song Styles" returns to the West Side Story theme first introduced last season, and the four act out "When You're a Goat"; in "Weird Newscasters", Colin hosts, with co-anchor Kathy as a clueless teenage girl on the phone with friends, sportscaster Wayne a Haitian man who's been unfaithful and is now the victim of a voodoo attack, and weatherman Ryan discovering that the weathermap is hiding the gates of Hell and desperate to keep them closed; "Songs of the Teacher".
Wayne wins, so Drew (translated by Ryan) and Kathy (translated by Colin) act out a Vietnamese action movie in "Foreign Film Dub".
Questions Only - tensions rise in the cottage where Snow White and the seven dwarves live.
Hollywood Director - It's a 1950's teenag couple (Kathy and Ryan) and they're kissing passionately in their car. Motorcycle cop Wayne rides in because he suspects they're dangerous a couple who are carrying concealed weapons. Styles: America's Funniest Home Videos, climax in a Sam Peckinpah movie, like their mouths are numb from novacaine
Song Styles - Wayne sings to Joe the pool guy as Eminem
Nmber of Words - It's a scene from Titanic. Colin is Jack and Kathy is Rose. They're making out on the desk when Wayne, her horrified financÃ©e, and Ryan, the ship's captain, come to tell them that the boat his hit an iceberg. Colin - 5 words Kathy - 2 words Wayne - 4 words Ryan - 3 words
Helping Hands - Kathy is a frustrated customer trying to get through the express line at a supermarket. Ryan is the loud-mouth, busy-body checker.
Props - Wayne and Colin versus Ryan and Drew.
Credits - Ryan and K
Superheroes - Greg is Quick Rick, Ryan is Faking Injury for Sympathy Man, Colin is Captain Coward, and Wayne is Show Stopping Number Boy. The crisis is blue shoes.
Multiple Personalities - Greg, Wayne, and Ryan. A car breaks down in the forest in the middle of the night. The gas can represents Richard Simmons, the map John Wayne, and the flashlight is Scooby Doo.
Scenes From a Hat - Times when it would be nice to have the ability to be beamed up, what really made the kids in Blair Witch run off screaming, what members of the Whose Line cast say to their therapists, out-takes from the Hillbilly National Theatre's Shakespeare Festival, how the naked Fridays policy turned out at your office
Greatest Hits - Wayne sings Songs of the Doctor in the styles Mambo, Marilyn Monroe, and 80's Rock N' Roll.
Sportscasters - Drew joins Greg as the sportscasters for Ryan and Colin, two rival pizza makers trying to impress a female customer
Credits: Wayne, Greg, and Ryan as Richard Simmons, Scooby Doo,
The obnoxious drunks edition of Awards Show, with Brad and Wayne presenting to winners Ryan and Colin; Brad and Wayne sing a swing Duet to special guests Hugh, Victoria, and Ava; Scenes from a Hat are "Superman's secret inner thoughts", "things you did as a child that aren't as cute now that you're an adult", "if celebrities had been the first people to walk on the moon", and "inappropriate slide shows that your neighbors make you sit through"; Ryan and Colin play Living Scenery with Ava and Victoria as props, and the guys play two treasure hunters canoeing down the Amazon who pitch a tent by the river and get attacked by natives.
Colin wins, so it's Brad and Wayne against Ryan and Drew in Props.
In "Superheroes", Tacky Shirt Man (Colin) tries to find the lost loud colors, along with On the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown Boy (Ryan), the Mick Jagger Kid (Chip), and Junkyard Dog on a Chain Kid (Wayne); audience members Flo and Carmen provide "Sound Effects" for Ryan and Colin, two English knights defending the castle and their demanding queen from an approaching barbaric army; Ryan and Chip get a "Newsflash" from Colin, who is reporting from various painful sports bloopers; "Scenes from a Hat" include "if actors were completely honest during their awards acceptance speeches", "circus acts that didn't last long", and "odd things for a lounge singer to sing about".
Wayne wins, so the rest make fun of the Backstreet Boys in a "Hoedown".
Colin anchors "Weird Newscasters" with Greg as his dominatrix, Wayne as a secretary who finds a photocopy of someone's butt in her in tray, and Ryan as someone about to die whose life flashes before his eyes; "Hats"; a messed-up "Greatest Hits" edition of "Songs of College"; Greg, Ryan, and Colin celebrate in "Film Dub"; Ryan, Colin, and Wayne sing "Show-Stopping Numbers" in a toll booth.
Wayne wins, so the others give examples of the "World's Worst" person to be priest or rabbi.
The show begins with a rousing game of Let's Make a Date in which Brad is a Puritan witch hunter who sees the devil everywhere, Colin is a pompous politician getting into a fight with his fiancee in the audience and Ryan is the head of Colin's angry ex-wfe sprouting from Colin's neck; "If You Know What I Mean", with Brad, Colin, and Ryan as hotel clerks; in "Duet", Brad and Wayne sing to Susie as the Rolling Stones; Title Sequence earns this episode its Too Hot title, when the audience suggests Cosby and Hitler, but instead, the guys perform the theme to Bill Cosby and the Insurance Agent; Scenes from a Hat, featuring how the cast of Baywatch would react to a real emergency, and if Tarzan and Tonto were roommates.
Brad wins, so the rest sing the director Hoedown.
"Weird Newscasters" features Colin as a psycho hitchhiker getting a ride with the anchor, Wayne as a very enthusiastic bikini car wash girl looking for shiny surfaces to clean, and Ryan as Hollywood's most demanding temperamental star trying to give an award-winning performance; "Scenes From a Hat" includes "If human doctors acted like animal doctors", "The good news and the bad news", and "Refreshingly honest statements that could earn you a black eye"; in "Two-Line Vocabulary", an army captain, Colin, is looking for two volunteers to go on a dangerous mission, with Brad's lines being "That's easy for you to say". and "Is that good-, and Ryan's lines being "What are those- and "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening". Brad and Wayne sing "Songs of the Airline Attendant" with Colin and Ryan pitching songs - songs sung include "You Can't Use the First Class Can", "Don't Call Me a Waitress" and "Do You Want Meat or Fish- in the styles Tom Petty, Flapper, and thrash, respectively.
In Hollywood Director, Ryan's fiendish Spanish colonel rides in to kidnap Mexican girl Kathy, until Wayne's Zorro comes in, while Colin directs in the styles 1950s musical and performing in the "perfect" dark; James Bond themes get spoofed in Song Styles with Wayne singing to Doug the chemistry professor, with the other three as Bond girls; Colin reports a Newsflash back to Ryan and Kathy with bats; in Living Scenery, Wayne and Kathy are props to Ryan and Colin, who are two guys sunbathing and surfing at the beach; Scenes from a Hat includes "difficult things to say with a straight face", "announcements made over hell's PA system, and many suggestions for "rejected gift ideas that the Wise Men considered".
Kathy wins, so the rest give examples of the World's Worst television commercial.
In Weird Newscasters, Colin is anchor to co-anchor Greg (German insult comic), sportscaster Wayne (girl scout selling cookies who's possessed by the devil) , and weatherman Ryan (old man who takes an extremely short-acting rejuvenation pill). Ryan is Doctor Frankenstein to Colin's Igor in Whose Line. Wayne and Greg are a tourist and his guide on a safari in Action Replay, Colin and Ryan act out the replay. Scenes From a Hat includes "Versions of Hell other than eternal flames", "Famous film scenes as performed by cartoon characters", "If morning show hosts acted like most people do in the morning", "What members of the Whose Line cast say to their therapists", and "Announcements that tend to ruin parties". Drew joins Wayne, Colin, and Ryan for the Hockey Player Hoedown.
"Let's Make a Date" features Greg choosing from Wayne (smooth rap star blindfolded and handcuffed to the bed by his new girlfriend gradually realizing the evening is going wrong), Colin (deranged window dresser whose only friends are mannequins Wayne and Ryan who he has fun undressing and dressing after hours), and Ryan (horse whisperer calming and mounting the others who he thinks are wild stallions); Colin and Ryan do a film noir scene set in a maternity ward in "Narrate"; Greg, Ryan, and Colin play "Film Dub" set three years into an international space mission; Wayne sings "Songs of Retirement" with Ryan and Colin introducing songs in the styles protest and Scottish blues.
Greg wins, so Colin and Wayne team up against Drew and Ryan for "Props".